Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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