ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
