Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize