So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
