this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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