I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
