K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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