You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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