did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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