So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I need moral support for this bender
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
