I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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