Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Fuck appropriateness.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
