One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
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BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
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You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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