Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
