this boner is exhausting
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize