I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
do herpes really smell.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
