Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
