no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
