I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
