I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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