were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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