just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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