Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
