based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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