Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
