strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
