Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
