We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
