there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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