I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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