Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
