I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
