The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
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I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
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I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?