Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help