Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks