i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup