I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.