And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today