Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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