i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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