Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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