You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
