dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
