forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
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I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
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I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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