His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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