Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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