Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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