party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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