how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
