There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
