He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
