I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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