no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
