How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
