He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
