True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
