I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
