Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
