I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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