he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
