Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
