ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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