well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize