just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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