the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
