if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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