my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
